


We're Not Doing This

by ForeverKickingandScreaming



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-20 09:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9484532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverKickingandScreaming/pseuds/ForeverKickingandScreaming
Summary: Carmilla and Laura get sucked into helping out Kirsch with a psychology study on couples. The only problem is that they aren't a couple and they can't back out of the study.What happens when they have to lie to their friends and family about their new pretend romantic relationship?





	1. Chapter 1: The Study

     It was a pretty uneventful day at work for Laura. She had read article after article that was placed on her desk, picking out the really well written ones from the poorly written ones.

 

     There was really nothing overly exciting about this new job for her. She thought that by being promoted to Assistant Editor for Silas Magazine she would get to do more investigative work since she didn’t have to waste as much writing fluff pieces. Her drive for the truth was what got her the job in the first place. Yet, she was pretty much just stuck to a desk 8 hours a day, reading articles written by journalists that barely understood grammar rules.

 

     Laura dropped her head down on top of her desk and sighed. It was going to be a long week. Her hands were itching to get a new story, to follow a new lead, to get some dirt and bring the criminals to justice! But for now, she was stuck inside her tiny office reading other people’s work. 

 

     Her day happened to pick up when she got a certain call from her favorite lovable giant though.

 

     “Kirsch!” Laura said excitedly, brushing her long hair back and out of her face.

 

     “Laura!”

 

     “What’s up?”

 

     Laura was happy to finally turn her attention to something to didn’t make her eyes want to bleed.

 

     “I need a favor from you little bro.”

 

     “I’m all ears.”

 

     “So you know how I’m getting that degree to be a therapist?” 

 

     Kirsch had gone back to Silas University for graduate school even after all the craziness and the almost dying. But he was going to be a therapist so that he could help out others and “maybe put a smile on people's’ faces even though they’re hurting.” It was kinda sweet, and so totally Kirsch.

 

     “Of course, and we’re all so proud of you.”

 

     “Thanks Laura.” Kirsch took a breath. “But I’m doing this study for my Human Relationships class and I need two more participants to complete the requirements,” he asked hesitantly.

 

     “You want me to be in your study?”

 

     “Well yeah. You and Carmilla, actually.” Laura paused.

 

     Carmilla. Hearing her name brought good thoughts to Laura’s head. And some not so innocent ones. But nobody needed to know about her not-so-little crush on her totally-platonic-bff.

 

     “Both of us.”

 

     “Yeah both of you together is kinda what I need. Look I totally get it if you don’t want to do it, I can try to see if one of my Zetas will do-”

 

      “I’ll talk to Carm, Kirsch. I’m sure she’d be happy to help you.” Laura said, interrupting him before he changed his mind.

 

      “Really? Thanks Laur, you’re the best,” Kirsch said happily. “Oh and I have some highlights so you can really sell it to her.”

 

     Laura was more than happy to help out a friend, especially if it meant that she got to think about something other than her articles for a little while. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     "Cupcake no, we're not doing this," Carmilla said for the third time, raising her head from her book to show the other girl that she was serious. 

 

     "But Carm! He needs our help! We can't just bail out on Kirsch because you're afraid of therapists," Laura whined as she plopped down on the couch next to Carmilla. 

 

     "I'm not  _ afraid _ of therapists."

 

     "You're afraid of your  _ mother _ ," Laura countered. She reached out and started playing with the edges of the pages of Carmilla's book that was placed on her lap. It was distracting for Carmilla.

 

     “That’s…...different. My mother was ruthless towards all of her clients and it didn’t exclude us. Sometimes I feel like we were more of her text subjects rather than her actual offspring.” 

 

     Lilita Morgan was one of Austria’s best therapists, and she was one of Carmilla’s worst nightmares. Her mother was an uncaring, unloving, domineering woman that made Carmilla flinch every time she heard anything that had to do with therapy. For years Carmilla and her adopted siblings were subjected to their mother’s psychological studies, their brains fried from years of psychological poking and prodding.

 

     Carmilla shivered at the memory. She had spent many nights curled up into a pillow with her mother’s words bombarding her mind.  _ ‘Why do you think you do that, Carmilla? Why aren’t you like the others, Carmilla? How does that make you feel, Carmilla? Are you ashamed of our relationship and that’s why you don’t bring your girlfriends to meet me, Carmilla?’ _

 

     “Carm….Carm….Carmilla!” Laura waved her hands frantically in front of Carmilla’s face to bring her out of the daydream. 

 

     “Huh?”

 

     “Come back to Earth, space cadet. We’re not done having this conversation.” 

 

     “Yes we are, Cupcake.” Carmilla closed her book and started to get up from her seat on the couch so she could escape to her room and quiet the voice in her head, but Laura grabbed her arm before she was able to get too far and now her body is both calming down and heating up. But that was always the effect Laura had on her. Even after four years of living together, Laura was still a mystery to Carmilla.

 

     “Carm….stop, wait.” Laura pleaded with the woman and used her best puppy-dog eyes that she knew Carmilla couldn’t resist.

 

     Carmilla settled back down into the couch and Laura re-adjusted herself so she could face Carmilla. It didn’t matter that Laura was wearing her pajama shirt with a giant cookie on it, she wanted to have a serious conversation with Carmilla and needed to focus. Laura was lying to herself, it totally did matter that she looked like a total nerd in front of Carmilla, but after knowing each other for so long she knew Carmilla wouldn’t mind. 

 

     “I really think we should do this for Kirsch. I know you have some hesitance, but we’re in this together and we can always back out if you get too uncomfortable,” Laura said as she gripped onto Carmilla’s forearm. It was meant to be a soothing action towards Carmilla, but it was grounding for Laura. She knew she could convince Carmilla to help out Kirsch if she was able to focus and looking into Carmilla’s eyes was not helping right now. 

 

     After a few moments of staring at each other, Carmilla gave in.

 

     “Ugh, fine Cupcake. You win. We can help the giant with his study.” Carmilla threw her head back against the couch in defeat. She should’ve known she was going to have to do this, she stood no chance whenever Laura batted her eyes and asked so sweetly.

 

     “Yes! Oh thanks Carm! I promise this is going to be fun!” 

 

     Laura launched herself into Carmilla’s personal space and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s body. It made Laura’s heart race, being so close to Carmilla, but she couldn’t seem to find herself anywhere but near Carmilla.

 

     “Yeah, whatever,” Carmilla mumbled into Laura’s hair.

 

     Laura detached herself from Carmilla and grabbed the phone from her back pocket to dial Kirsch’s number and tell him the good news.

 

     “What do we even have to do for this study, sweetheart?” 

 

     Laura had never mentioned any other details to Carmilla besides that Kirsch had asked for their help with his study.

 

     “He didn’t really give me any details besides that he was in desperate need of participants and that Laf and Perry were already helping him. And that it was a three month study.”

 

     “Three months?!” Carmilla’s head whipped towards Laura’s face so fast she almost gave herself whiplash.

 

     “Huh, I guess I left that part out,” Laura said sheepishly, knowing full well that if she had told Carmilla how long the study was going to take them that Carmilla would refuse. It’s not like Carmilla was on board from the start anyways. 

 

     Carmilla was going to back out-who had time for three month studies anyways?-when Kirsch’s voice boomed over Laura’s speaker.

 

     “Hey little hottie!” He said happily.

 

     “Kirsch…”

 

     “Right, sorry. Hey little nerd.”

 

     Laura rolled her eyes at the nickname but smiled anyways.

 

     “So I was just talking to Carmilla and we decided that we’ll be part of your study!” Laura was practically bouncing up and down. Her investigative side was getting the best of her and she didn’t want to wait any longer to find out what the study was about.

 

      Carmilla, on the other hand, was not as excited to find out what she was going to be doing.

 

     “Really bros?! That’s awesome! You’re really doing me a favor here. I owe you guys big time.”

 

     “Yes you do frat boy,” Carmilla said, earning a light slap on the arm from Laura.

 

     “No you don’t Kirsch, we’re happy to help.” Laura gave Carmilla a ‘stop being an ass’ look and Carmilla just shrugged her shoulders.

 

     “Nope, you guys got a pizza and some beers coming your way courtesy of this guy right here! When you do a favor for a bro, you get a favor from a bro.”

 

     “Sounds chivalrous.”

 

      “Carm stop,” Laura whispered away from the phone. “Alright so what do you need us to do for you Kirsch?”

 

      “I’m sending you the breakdown for the study now, little dude. You guys are gonna have to print out some sheets to sign that I can just pick up when I come to drop off the pizza and observe you.”

 

     “Observe us?” Carmilla didn’t like the idea of a tall moron watching them.

 

     “Yeah sexy lady, how else am I gonna get the information for the study? You don’t expect a catcher to just leave home when the ball is being thrown, do ya?” 

 

     “I have literally no idea what that means,” Carmilla said in an unamused tone.

 

     “It’s a baseball reference Carm. He can’t just let the study happen without observing us and taking down some notes. He’s studying to be a therapist, remember? He’s just doing what he always does.”

 

     “Yes Creampuff, how could I forget that the human puppy wants to help others with their problems?”

 

     “Uh guys, can I go now? I have some homework that I need to finish before our Thirsty Thursday meetup,” Kirsch asked. 

 

     “Kirsch why are you still going to Zeta parties? You’re a grad student now, shouldn’t you be partying with other grad students?”

 

     “Once a Zeta, always a Zeta little nerd. Once a Zeta,” they heard Kirsch pause and what sounded like him bang his chest, “always a Zeta.”

 

     “Bye Kirsch!” “Bye idiot”

 

     “Would it kill you to be a little nice to others?” Laura said as she got up from the couch to grab the laptop in her room.

 

     “Maybe, “ Carmilla called back. “I don’t plan on finding out.”

 

     “How about we find out what we have to do for this study,” Laura said, sitting back down next to Carmilla on the couch. 

 

     “Ok, here it is,” Laura said as she opened up her newest email.

 

_      Dear Participants, _

_      Thank you for your interest in the 2017 Relationships Project! Participants of this study will be observed by members of Silas University’s graduate psychology classes. This study hopes to gather evidence about young couples that are planning their futures. Couples are required to be at least 18 years of age, have been in a monogamous relationship for at least 8 months, are currently living together, and have plans to have children together in the future. Couples that do not meet all these requirements  _ **MAY NOT** _ participate in the study.  _

_      Each couple will be visited at least twice a week for three months. During these visits, grad students will interview participants on a certain topic related to the study and require participants to engage in role playing scenarios or other exercises. Grad students are also required to bring a witness to each visit to ensure that visits are satisfactory.  _

_      Thank you again for your participation, and good luck! _

  
     “Cupcake…what did you get us into?”


	2. These Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see some insight into Laura's feelings about the situation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The love is so amazing, thank you guys for your comments! I can't wait to see where this story takes us...

     “This. Is. Incredible,” Lafontaine laugh-shouted, bending over in their seat and holding their stomach. They were getting some attention from the other coffee shop goers, but no one looked like they really cared enough to tell them to be quiet.

     As much as Laura loved Laf, she was annoyed. The laughing wasn’t the response she was looking for when she had told them that she and Carmilla had agreed to be in the study. Laura crossed her arms over her chest and slid further down in her chair, slightly embarrassed.

     “Ok, ok, I’m done,” Laf said through breaths, occasionally letting out another chuckle as they tried to control themself. 

     “Are you sure you don’t want to make me feel more stupid?” Laura asked heatedly.

     She sat back up straight in her chair and grabbed her hot chocolate off the table to take another sip. It was still extremely hot but Laura didn’t care, she needed something to get her mind of the continuous panic attack that was going on inside her head. 

     “L, I’m sorry. I am. It’s just,” Laf paused and Laura raised her eyes off the hot chocolate to look at Laf. “You didn’t get any information before agreeing to do the study?”

     “Ugh, no. All he told me was that you and Perry were signed up and that he needed us ‘cause he was desperate. And you know how I get when people are desperate! And it’s Kirsch I mean I didn’t even have to think twice about helping him especially after everything back at Silas and I’ve been so bored at work that I just wanted to get something off my mind and then he called and-”

     Lafontaine reached across the table and put their hand over Laura’s mouth so that she would stop rambling. It was sort of a nervous habit she had picked up as a little kid and hasn’t been able to break it since. 

     “Dude, breathe. Seriously. Carmilla will kill me if I bring you back unconscious again.”

     “Again,” Laura snorted. Last time Laura and Laf were left alone Laura had to be carried back to her apartment after some not so safe scientific experiments were done. Carmilla was pretty pissed to see Laura knocked out cold, but she was even more pissed when Laf told her that they didn’t know what happened or when Laura was gonna wake up. Carmilla didn’t let Laura leave her side for a whole week after that incident. 

     It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them to be “attached at the hip” as Laf would say, but Laura’s pretty much been avoiding her ever since they got Kirsch’s email. It’s not entirely Laura’s fault, she’s just been staying out most of the day for work and to visit her dad but Carmilla has been avoiding her at night. 

     Carmilla typically gets home from work an hour after Laura. Lately she’s been coming home later and later. Almost like she’s actively avoiding Laura. Because usually they have dinner together and talk about their day once Carmilla, but now that Carmilla hasn’t been getting back to their apartment until after 10pm Laura was already in her own bedroom getting ready to go asleep. So for the past week Laura has been cooking dinner and leaving Carmilla’s share on the kitchen table before waiting on the couch for her to come home. When Carmilla doesn’t make it back before it’s time for Laura to go to sleep, Laura sadly sighs at the front door before retreating to her bedroom and feeling guilty. 

    “I don’t think she’d really care right now, she’s kind of been avoiding me.” Laura tried to hide the hurt from her voice but Laf was her best friend and they could tell when Laura was hurting. 

    “L of course she’d care, she loves you.”

     Laura’s heartbeat picked up at the phrase. It’s not like she didn’t know, she and Carmilla had been living together ever since they were freshmen back at Silas, but Laura had always hoped for the other connotation of those words. The one where when Carmilla says it under the stars, it has more than just a friendly meaning, and then they kiss and Laura feels like she’s on cloud nine. Because then finally Carmilla would know how she really felt about her, and in a perfect world Carmilla would feel the same way too.

    “What if this whole situation is just too uncomfortable for her? We have to pretend to be a couple Laf! And you know that Carmilla doesn’t even do real relationships, why she want to be in a pretend one!”

     “She didn’t say anything about backing out of the study, right?” Laura shook her head no. “Then she’s on board. Maybe she’s just taking some time to get into character?”

     Laura rolled her eyes. Laf was just trying to be supportive and give her something positive to think about but the thought that Carmilla was actively avoiding Laura was breaking her heart more than when Carmilla used to bring her dates home and she could hear them having sex from her room. She’d never admit it out loud to anyone but every once in awhile she’d imagine herself as the one getting to touch Carmilla. 

     Laura refocused her attention on Laf again once all the dirty things she wanted to do with Carmilla ran from her mind.

     “Listen, if Perry were here right now you know what’d she say right?”

     “Just bake some cookies and sit down and talk through your problems,” Laura echoed. 

     “You know better than anyone what cookies do,” Laf said as they took a sip of their coffee.

     “I just need to sit down and talk to her,” Laura said matter-of-factly.

     “What are you gonna do about your feelings?” Laf smirked behind their cup. They knew how Laura felt about her sexy roommate, and they liked to tease her as much as possible about it.

     “Bury them down deep inside and just convince her this is a totally normal thing that best friends do,” Laura said as she banged her head against the top of the table in frustration.

     “Even when you guys are gonna have to kiss?”

     “What! Kissing! Who said anything about kissing?!” Laura blurted out as she picked her head back up. There was a hot chocolate stained napkin stuck to her forehead. 

     “No no no no no. There will be a distinct lack of kissing.”

     Laf raised an eyebrow as Laura continued to babble.

     “Nope we’re just gonna hold hands and put our arms around each other and oh my god we have to pretend to be a couple and what if I get carried away and I accidently kiss her? Then our friendship’s gonna be over and she’s gonna hate me and probably move out and then her sister is gonna come after me and I know I haven’t mentioned this before but she’s really scary-”

     Lafontaine had to put their hand over Laura’s mouth again or she was gonna pass out. 

     “Thanks,” Laura said after she took a full breath.

     “Just set some ground rules with Carmilla so neither of you do something the other is uncomfortable with. And me and Perry can even judge you guys to make sure you look somewhat like a couple.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “Like we’ll correct you when you awkwardly put your arm around her or like when you forget what words are.” Laf said in a teasing tone.

     Laura sarcastically laughed at that. “Oh ha, ha.”

     “Oh come on L, you guys will be fine. Just talk to Carmilla and you guys will be back to your usually old-married-couple bickering in no time.” Laf lifted their cup to Laura as a toast but Laura was skeptical about the plan. How was she suppose to get Carmilla to actually sit down and talk to her about this? It wasn’t the most cozy conversation.

     “Give me your phone,” Laf said while they reached for Laura’s phone.

     “What? Why?” Laura grabbed her phone and backed away.

     “Because I can practically hear you thinking and I know you won’t reach out first.”

     Laf was right, Laura was probably gonna wait until she “accidently” bumped into Carmilla in the kitchen when they were getting ready for work even if it meant going into work late.

     Laura gave up her phone and finished off the rest of her hot chocolate. She was probably gonna need some more later to deal with the stress of this whole situation.

     “Ok so I texted her three naked pictures of you so that should definitely start the conversation,” Laf said as they handed Laura back her phone.

     Laura’s eyes almost bugged out of her head.

    “Kidding, I’m just kidding. I just told her that you were bringing her home some of those croissants that she likes.”

    “I guess that’s a good ice breaker.”

    “Yeah it is. Now go get laid!”

    “Laf!”

    “Lighten up kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Laura gonna face Carmilla? Are they gonna talk about what's going on? I'm thinking we'll start seeing their fake relationship pretty soon...


	3. Talk To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla finally talk to each other....sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep I suuuuccccckkkkkk. I'm so sorry it's been so long guys, life happened. I hope this makes up for it. I know its short, but I needed a filler. Stay tuned, some fun stuff is coming!

     “Carm?” Laura called out into the quiet of her apartment. She wasn’t too loud, hoping she didn’t have to face Carmilla just yet.

     “Yeah Cupcake?” Carmilla came walking out of her room wearing Laura’s favorite kind of pants: black and leather. “Damn, you’re wearing clothes.”

     Carmilla was flirting with Laura, but that wasn’t new. She always flirted with Laura but Laura knew that was just part of the Carmilla Karnstein charm that she used on all the girls. Although Laura’s heart still raced like crazy every time.

     “Oh my croissants,” Carmilla said with a perfect French accent. Laura had to stop her knees from buckling at the sound. Luckily Carmilla was too distracted at trying to get into the box of pastries Laf made Laura buy to notice that she was struggling to keep her cool. It wasn’t her fault Carmilla speaking French was sexy, she didn’t have any control over what she liked.

     Laura watched as Carmilla took a perfect bite of croissant, following as her tongue licked a crumb off of her lip. She snapped back to reality when she caught herself engrossed by the scene in front of her, embarrassed to be ogling her best friend like she was a piece of meat. In her defense she was horny and Carmilla was sexy.

     “So, um...hey!” Laura finally said awkwardly, trying to relieve herself of thoughts of Carmilla’s tongue. 

     “Hey Cupcake,” Carmilla said through another bite of pastry.

     “This is the first time in awhile that we’ve actually seen each other at home.” Laura’s hands were moving as she talked but that was just another nervous habit.

     “We’re both here every night aren’t we?”

     “Well yeah, I guess,” Laura shrugged. “But it’s not the same. I mean we haven’t had a movie night in like forever and it feels like we haven’t sat down and talked to each other in years-”

      “It’s been like a week.”

      “You know what I mean Carm.”

     “What is it that you want to talk about Creampuff?” Carmilla knew all of her quirks and Laura was definitely failing at trying to hide that she needed to talk to Carmilla.

     “Why would there be anything to talk about? Everything’s fine.” Laura’s voice got higher with every word she spoke, a dead giveaway that something was obviously bothering the girl.

     Carmilla just stared at her in response. She didn’t want to say anything until Laura had the chance to.

     “Ok so I totally need to talk to you about something,” Laura said as she slid into the seat next to Carmilla at the kitchen table.

     “Yeah I picked up on that.”

     “It’s just…I…,” Laura had to pause to get her thoughts together. She still had no idea how to talk to Carmilla.

     “Do you want to talk about those pics you sent me sweetheart? “Carmilla purred. 

     Laura was so distracted by Carmilla’s tone that she totally didn’t register what Carmilla had said.

    “Wait what?” Laura scrambled to find her phone in her jacket pocket as Carmilla chuckled next to her.

     “I’m just kidding Creampuff. I saw the text from Lafontaine earlier and thought I could tease you.”

     Laura scrolled through her messages until she found Carmilla’s name. She clicked on the chat and rolled her eyes. The last messages sent from her phone said:

_      Hey dark and broody, it’s your favorite mad scientist. I’m sending Laura home with some croissants to break the ice. You two need to get your shit together before the study starts. _

_      Also, I’ll buy you coffee next time I see you if you tease Laura about the sexy pics she’s got on her phone.  _

_      Seriously, does this girl not know about private albums? _

     Laura cursed Lafontaine under her breath and turned back to a smiling Carmilla.

     “You want to share some of those sexy pics Cupcake?” Carmilla quirked her lips.

     “I’m gonna kill Laf the next time I see them,” Laura mumbled. She made a mental note to make sure she started locking some of her more private things up.

      “They’re not even that sexy! I mean they’re just bikini pics! Everyone has those!” Laura blurted out, earing giggles from Carmilla.

      After a deep breath, Laura tried to get back on topic again.

      “Anyways....I think we should seriously talk, Carm. This whole study thing, are we actually gonna do this?” Laura was looking at the table and she fidgeted with her hands. The playful tension that was previously in the air had vanished and was replaced with a new kind of tension. 

      “Are you...do you not want to do this?” It was gentle coming from Carmilla’s mouth, giving Laura the chance to look up and into her eyes. “You were the one pushing to help Kirsch, I’m a little surprised you want to back out now that you know that you have to pretend to be with me.”

      “Of course I want to do this, Carm. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable, you know? I mean, it’s not exactly normal to pretend to be in love with your best friend,” Laura’s heart cracked at the word pretend, but Carmilla couldn’t know how she felt.

      “We can do whatever makes you feel comfortable, Laura.” Carmilla almost never used Laura’s name. It was always reserved for serious conversations.

      Carmilla shifted her body in the seat so she was facing Laura head-on.

      “I always feel comfortable with you Carm,” Laura said honestly. She placed her hand on one of Carmilla’s arms as she talked. The heat was radiating from where they were touching. Not that Laura noticed or anything. 

      Carmilla placed her hand on top of the one on her arm and Laura almost stopped breathing. This kind of touching wasn’t anything new but ever since they agreed to do this study Laura’s feelings for Carmilla have heightened. To the point where Carmilla could brush Laura’s skin and Laura could feel her entire body become electrified. 

     “Then why are you worried? Just trust me sweetheart, we can do this. And we’ll be helping out the giant beenstalk which is what I know you wanna do.”

     Laura sighed and felt her body relax.

     “Thanks Carm.”

     “Of course Cupcake.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this was stuck in my brain and I needed somewhere to get it out. Let me know if you guys want me to continue...
> 
> You can also find me at living-in-water.tumblr.com!


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